The Investigation that Never Happened


Sacramento County Inspector General, Rick Braziel

At the trial for the murder of Jessica Funk-Haslam, Sacramento Detective Kenneth Clark testified that someone—he was unsure who—had entered the locked dugout the day he was in charge of the crime scene. Clark had to be prompted by DA Prosecutor Eric Kindall to even remember if it was one of his colleagues.

However, just one day prior to Kenneth Clark’s testimony on the witness stand, Clark’s colleague,  Detective Paul Belli, emailed Kindall telling him that Kenneth Clark had approached him just one day earlier, and that it was Clark who had reminded Belli of how he had helped him (Clark) at the crime scene. The stories simply do not gel. If what Belli had claimed had happened, Clark would remember it just one day later. But he doesn’t. That’s because it is not true. Add to this, the locked dugout opening was so small that 125-pound CSI Tamara Mickelson was unsure that even she could get through. And now 230-pound Tony Turnbull and 215-pound Paul Belli are both claiming they were able to enter the locked dugout.

Because of this, we undertook the challenge of providing a calculation of the dimensions of the locked dugout and also the body masses of detectives Turnbull and Belli. We calculated measurements, available to us due to the standardized measurements of cinder blocks, chain links, etc. (available both in still photos and digital video) and we were able to estimate the gate opening at 7.5″ – 9.5″ wide. An opening about the width of a sheet of standard paper. An opening that neither Turnbull or Belli could have ever hoped to negotiate. One that tiny, 125-pound Tamara Mickelson knew she could not, with her gear on. One that she was doubtful of entering, even with her gear off. For more information, please read the post, “Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire!”

We submitted our complaint, including the extensive visuals and calculated dimensions, to the Inspector General of Sacramento charging the three homicide detectives with perjury. The IG’s office did not conduct an investigation. They simply forwarded the complaint to the Sac County Sheriff’s Internal Affairs unit. The Inspector General’s final response to our complaint of perjury was, “Both the Court and the jury found the involved witnesses to be credible and similar allegations to be lacking in merit.”

Here is the letter from Sacramento County Inspector, Rick Braziel:

letter from IG.png

In other words, if you can successfully lie to the Court and Jury, you will not be investigated, even though substantial and compelling proof is later presented. The system will protect the liars.

Neither the Inspector General, nor the Sheriff’s Office of Internal Affairs, made any effort to obtain a copy of the official court transcript, to even begin investigating the charges of perjury.  There was not even a pretense of investigation. The response to our complaint of perjury was, “Both the Court and the jury found the involved witnesses to be credible and similar allegations to be lacking in merit.” This is outrageous, illogical, and unacceptable. The whole point of lodging a complaint with the IG was to provide the proof of perjury that was never offered at trial.  This is no kind of litmus test for perjury. The art of perjury is to deceive the jury.

While this response from the Inspector General’s office is certainly disappointing, the truth about who killed Jessica Funk-Haslam is still out there. Ryan did not kill Jessica. The evidence points to someone else. Someone who knew Jessica and was angry with her. Someone left-handed. Someone the prosecution originally suspected, but chose to ignore in favor of Ryan Roberts. Roberts, whose only crime was leaving his discarded cigarette butts at a public park for Jessica Funk-Haslam to pick up and re-light.

Too Small for the Big Lie

dugout cropped

The locked baseball dugout where the body of 13-year-old Jessica Funk-Haslam was found.

When homicide detectives arrived early Tuesday morning, March 6, 2012, the gate to the dugout was still locked. It was a small opening. Tiny Jessica, at 4’10” and 87 lbs. got through it, but CSI Tamara Mickelson who was on the scene that morning testified that she could not enter the locked dugout with her gear on, inferring that it was too small for that. When asked if she could enter without her gear, she was still very doubtful. And when asked if any of the three detectives had entered the locked dugout, she said, “Oh no. Not while it was locked, no.”

For reference of scale and size, note the standard cinderblock in the photo. They are 8″ x  8″ x 16″ and the gate gap appears to be a similar in width. Forensic modeling has now shown this gap to be about the width of a standard sheet of paper, about 8-1/2″ wide.

Now look at Detective Paul Belli who claims he was able to enter the locked dugout. He is 6′ tall and 215 pounds here. Look at the small gate opening in the above photo and notice the height of the chain.

To even attempt to enter the dugout, he would have had to crouch down to position himself, essentially making his already large body even thicker.

paul belli in front of gate.png

And lastly, now look at the width of the locked gate gap opening, now superimposed over the scaled image of Detective Paul Belli, and this is while he is standing straight. There is no way he would ever be able to squeeze through the locked gate opening.

belli with gate gap superimposed.png

Remember that CSI Tamara Mickelson testified that at 5’6″ and 125 pounds, she could not enter the locked dugout with her gear on. Even with her gear on, she still would have been much smaller than Belli at his 215 lbs. (or Tony Turnbull at 230 lbs. who also claims to have entered the locked dugout).

When Mickelson was asked if she could have entered the locked dugout without her gear on, she said, “Maybe. I don’t know, maybe.” She was very unsure that she could. Her testimony at trial stands in stark contrast to that of Belli and Turnbull.

For more information on the alleged perjury of Detectives Paul Belli, Tony Turnbull, and Kenneth Clark please see “Testi-Lying: When the Truth is Not Convenient” and “Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire!


A View to a Kill

Christopher Reed was up to his neck in trouble. Thirteen-year-old Jessica Funk-Haslam had been found brutally murdered in a locked baseball dugout in the Rosemont Community Park in Sacramento. And he knew who killed her.

Life at Vince’s Motel

As a meth addict and dealer, he had brushes with the law from time to time, and at the time of the murder, he was living at Vince’s Motel on Folsom Boulevard, just a couple of miles away from the park.

Vince's Motel

Vince’s was home to a group of people that Reed knew well, especially Christina Lawless and her 14-year-old who was the daughter, Savannah. Christina was a fellow-addict and prostitute who would often pawn her daughter off on Reed to babysit while she took care of business. Christina’s boyfriend, “White Boy” Johnny Richardson was also often around.

Two months before Jessica was murdered, she befriended Savannah. Jessica was a troubled young girl. Her mother, Tara, had live-in boyfriend who had sexually abused Jessica and was serving time in prison for the crime. Jessica often fought with her mother and had begun running away from home just about the time she started spending time with Savannah. Consequently, Jessica was no stranger at Vince’s Motel. Defense witness CJ Kendall said she would often make Jessica and Savannah peanut butter sandwiches in her motel room in the afternoons after school. As a result, Chris Reed became acquainted with Jessica Funk-Haslam.

The Night of the Murder

Jessica’s dead body was found early Tuesday morning, March 6th, 2012 by a woman who was searching for recyclables. The coroner was never able to provide an exact time of death, but it was estimated that she was killed some time between the Monday night and the early hours of Tuesday.

Phone Call from Savannah at the Park

Connie Jean (CJ) Kendall testified at trial that Savannah Lawless called her cell phone in an attempt to speak with her mother Christina. Because Vince’s residents were often transient and homeless, not many had a cell phone. CJ Kendall’s phone was often used as a communal phone. Ms. Kendall recalled that Christina refused to speak with Savannah and passed the phone over to Chris Reed.  CJ Kendall said that Savannah was screaming so loudly over the phone that she overheard her begging Reed to come help her at the park that she “couldn’t do it” herself.

Ms. Kendall also testified that Reed borrowed her motel blanket and video stills from the surveillance system confirm that Reed was carrying a blanket in the motel parking lot at 8:15 p.m. that same evening, coming from the direction of CJ Kendall’s room and moving towards his own.

Reed with blanket at 8-16 pm on 3-5-12 _photo_2_of_4

Chris Reed with the blanket he borrowed from CJ Kendall the night of the murder. Savannah called him asking for a blanket at the park.

Reed’s Brother Says Reed was at the Park

After the guilty verdict was returned against Ryan Roberts, defense investigator Paul Schindler was able to locate Chris Reed. Schindler had already obtained a signed Declaration that Reed’s half-brother Johnny Thomas had signed stating that Reed had told Thomas about the night of the murder and Reed’s going to the park to meet Savannah, Christina, and Johnny. It stated that when Reed got there he saw those three people standing near the dead body of Jessica Funk-Haslam.

Chris Reed Signs a Declaration Under Oath

Perhaps it was pressure from knowing that his brother had already signed a Declaration, and also maybe Reed’s conscience was beginning to weigh on him, because he also signed a Declaration under Oath stating that Savannah had called him the night of the murder asking for him to bring a blanket to the park. The document stated that when he got there he saw Savannah, Christina, and Johnny standing near the dead body. He stated that there were also two other people standing nearby. At the time he signed, Reed was very nervous and would not sign until he had crossed-out their names and substituted, “two girls and a guy.” The document also mistakenly identifies the dead girl as Tara Funk-Haslam. Tara is Jessica’s mother.

Look What Chris Reed Originally Said

Chris Reed's signed Dec.png

And here is Reed’s brother’s signed two-page Declaration:

Johnny Thos Dec 1.png

Johnny Thos Dec 2

Reed and Thomas Recant

After the guilty verdict, the defense made a motion for a new trial based on this new evidence. The Prosecution’s investigators quickly contacted both Reed and Thomas to interrogate them on their signed Declarations. Not surprisingly, they both changed their stories and said they never signed those documents, and that they were lies and forgeries supposedly manufactured by the Defense.

But Thomas forgot that defense attorney Jennifer Mouzis was present in the room at Casa Linda Motel which was next-door to Vince’s and that she heard him attest to the statement contained in his signed declaration. She later submitted her own Declaration to support this.

However, at that motion’s hearing, Prosecutor Eric Kindall maintained that the documents were forgeries and not to be believed and Judge Gerritt Wood subsequently denied the motion for a new trial. See the Motion in full here.

The Truth of Who Killed Jessica Funk-Haslam

So many clues pointing to Savannah Lawless. So many overlooked things, like the fact that Jessica was beaten on her right jaw–the side a lefty would have hit her. Roberts was right-handed, but Savannah raised her left-hand when she was sworn in at trial. Like the Batman-logo baggie found at the crime scene. Like the actual size of the the narrow gate opening, and the witnesses who identified Savannah Lawless as implicated in the murder of Jessica.

The truth is out there and one day it will set Ryan free.




“All I did was just beat her up!”

This is what Savannah Lawless was hysterically repeating as she moved around the seedy Vince’s Motel room that morning–the morning that Jessica’s body was discovered, according to defense witness, Michelle Serrao.  Ms. Serrao testified that there were five people in her motel room, Room 130 the night Jessica was murdered: Michelle and her friend, Lynn Meachum, Savannah Lawless, and her mother Christina Lawless, and Christina’s boyfriend Johnny Richardson.


Vince’s Motel on Folsom Blvd. in Rancho Cordova, just east of Sacramento

Savannah had been sleeping on the couch when Christina and Johnny burst through the door with the news that the body of a young girl had been discovered at the Rosemont Community Park. At this point, Savannah who had been sleeping on the couch, jumped up and, according to Ms. Serrao, became hysterical and repeating that she had “just beat her up.”

The Coroner, Dr. Gregory Reiber, testified that Jessica had been beaten and that it would have occurred very shortly before she was murdered. The signs of her beating her almost invisible to the naked eye. The typical bruising did not have time to develop because she was killed very shortly after she was beaten. See the coroner’s report here and report on her brain injury here.

This places Savannah at the murder scene within a very short time of the Jessica’s death. Chris Reed also saw her at the dugout standing near the dead body. In an upcoming post, “View to a Kill,” Reed describes what he saw when he arrived at the dugout the night of the murder.

The Jealous Girl

During the murder trial, Sacramento County DA Prosecutor Eric Kindall tried to say that Ryan Robert’s motive for killing Jessica was “as old as time–he’s a man and she’s a woman.” But there never was any evidence to support this statement. Jessica was fully clothed and zipped, and buckled according to the coroner, Dr. Gregory Reiber. Her hymen was intact and there was no semen on her body.

However, there is the another motive, the oldest motive in time. Back in the Garden of Eden, in a fit of jealousy, Cain killed his brother Abel.

By her own admission at trial,  14-year-old Savannah Lawless was a jealous girl.

Savannah’s Life at the No-Tell Motel

Vince’s Motel is what some would call a seedy “no-tell motel” on Folsom Boulevard in Rancho Cordova, just east of Sacramento. It is home to transients, drug addicts and prostitutes. All three of those words describe Christina Lawless, Savannah’s mother, according to trial testimony, and they paint the picture of what life must have been like for Savannah.


Vince’s Motel looking at Room 130 directly in front of the parking space just left of the car. This is where Savannah slept the night that Jessica Funk-Haslam was murdered.

In January 2012, Savannah and Jessica began spending time together. At the time of her murder, Jessica and Savannah had been friends for just over two months. This was the time that 13-year-old Jessica began running away from home. Each time, she would connect with Savannah. The night of her murder was the third time that Jessica had run away, and once again, they connected. This time, Jessica was murdered.

The 14-Year-Old Prostitute

At just 14-years-old, Savannah was experienced beyond her years. Defense witness, CJ Kendall, said privately outside the courtroom, that Christina was pimping out Savannah to pay her debts, once to collect just $35. But young Savannah felt empowered, and once bragged to CJ that, “I bet I even had your man.” According to CJ Kendall, Savannah also bragged that, “Me and my mom are going to own this town.”

Another witness who did not testify stated that Christina was trying to “pimp out” Jessica. The coroner’s report indicates that Jessica’s hymen was intact, but it does provide an additional motive for killing her. Perhaps she was resistant to the idea?

Defense Witnesses Implicate Savannah

During the trial for the murder of Jessica Funk-Haslam, there were witnesses who testified, implicating both Savannah and her mother, Christina, in the crime.

Connie Jean “CJ” Kendall

Defense witness CJ Kendall was present when Savannah called on the night of the murder asking to speak to her mom. CJ Kendall lived off-an-on at Vince’s Motel. She knew Christina, Savannah and Chris Reed. CJ was often used as a go-between for Savannah and her mother, since Christina did not have a cell phone. That night, Christina refused to speak to Savannah and handed the phone over to Chris Reed. CJ testified that she overheard a hysterical Savannah screaming that she couldn’t “do it alone” and that she needed “help.”

This testimony of CJ Kendall was later confirmed by Chris Reed’s signed declaration that Savannah had called him from the park and asked him to bring a blanket. CJ testified that Reed did, indeed, borrow a blanket from her that night and a video still from the surveillance cameras at Vince’s Motel show Reed walking from the direction of CJ’s room with a blanket under his left arm.

CJ Kendall also said under oath that she had seen Savannah slap Jessica so hard on the back of her head that her hat fell off. She said that Savannah bullied Jessica.

During the trial, Jessica’s father, Allen David Porter, said that Jessica had returned to his home Sunday, March 4th, with her hair cut. He used words to convey that it was an unusual haircut and that he thought she had used Koolaid to color it. Sunday was the day before she was murdered.  CJ Kendall adds more. CJ says that Savannah is the one who “shaved off half her hair and painted it yellow.” According to the coroner’s report, Jessica’s hair was shaved and cut above both of her temples. The rest of her hair was about 8″ long.

Michelle Serrao

Michelle Serrao provided even more startling testimony. She was staying in Room 130 at Vince’s Motel the night of the murder, sharing it with her friend, Lynn Meacham. Savannah Lawless had spent the night there too.

Ms. Serrao testified that early on the morning of March 6th, Christina Lawless and her boyfriend, Johnny Richardson, burst into Room 130 announcing that the dead body of a little girl had been found at the park. This was before news outlets had announced anything about the murder. Savannah, who had been sleeping on the couch jumped up, and according to Ms. Serrao, became hysterical and began screaming, “All I did was just beat her up!” She testified that Savannah continued to scream hysterically saying that she had “just beat her up.”  Christina and Johnny spoke with Savannah and all three of them very shortly left the room.


Room 130 at Vince’s Motel

Ms. Serrao also testified that the bathroom door in Room 130 would not stay closed when shut, so she had wedged a small 3″ knife in the upper part of the door jamb to keep it shut.  Ms. Serrao testified that after the three had left, she went to the bathroom and discovered the knife missing.

A short time after the murder, both Savannah and Christina were interrogated regarding the murder. Michelle Serrao testified that a short time after this, she met Savannah on the street and Savannah told her that “That bitch (in reference to her mother) is going to snitch on me.”

The Angry Voicemails

Detective Paul Belli testified that Savannah Lawless had left two “angry” voicemails on Jessica’s cell phone just days before she was murdered. On the witness stand, it was shown that Savannah had lied about the reason for the angry voicemails. When confronted by defense attorney, Jennifer Mouzis, Savannah admitted that she had lied to the jury about her reason. Ms. Mouzis got Savannah to agree that the reason was jealousy over Jessica’s 15-year-old boyfriend. Savannah was jealous.

The Oldest Motive in Time. During the trial, prosecutor Eric Kindall said that Ryan’s  motive was “as old as time, he’s a man and she’s a woman.” There is an even older, and more common motive, the motive of jealousy. We can go back to the Garden of Eden for that one. Cain killed his brother Abel out of jealousy.

Small Enough for the Dugout

At 5’2″ and 112 to 115 pounds, Savannah Lawless is small enough to have entered the dugout. At this weight, Savannah is about 28 pounds heavier than tiny Jessica, who was only 4’10” and 87 pounds, according to the coroner’s report. Savannah was heavy enough to pin Jessica down. The coroner’s report states that Jessica was beaten very shortly before she died. Defense witness, Michelle Serrao, testified that Savannah admitted to beating Jessica the night she was murdered.

The Killer is Left-Handed

There are indicators that Savannah could be left handed. See “The Killer was Left-Handed.” According to Christopher Reed, Savannah had two accomplices, her mother Christina and Johnny Richardson.

Connecting the Dots

It has been established through the trial testimony of Jessica’s mother, that Jessica went to the park that night to meet “friends.” Upon closer examination, it was revealed that Savannah Lawless was Jessica’s only friend. Corroborating evidence came from Savannah’s voicemail to Jessica the day before the murder. She told Jessica that she would see her at the park “tomorrow.”

During the trial, Savannah testified that she and Jessica picked up cigarette butts from the park and relit them to smoke.

How many dots do we have to connect before the picture begins to emerge?

Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire!

paul belli.png

Sacramento County Sheriff’s Detective, Paul Belli. At 6′ tall and 215 pounds, he claimed he entered the locked dugout the morning Jessica Funk-Haslam’s body was discovered. CSI Tamara Mickelson, at 5’6″ and 125 pounds testified that with her gear on, she could not. When pressed at trial, she was very doubtful she could, even without her gear on.

The Locked Dugout

When homicide detectives arrived at the scene early March 6th, 2012, they found 13-year-old Jessica Funk-Haslam inside a locked baseball dugout at Rosemont Community Park, in an unincorporated area of east Sacramento, California. At just 4′ 10″ and 87 lbs., she was small for her size. She was dressed in jeans and a zebra-striped hoodie that was zipped up to her neck, lying face up with her head against the fencing of the dugout. The back of her skull was fractured, there was evidence she had been beaten with scrapes and abrasions to the right-side of her jaw and chin, she had been stabbed in the right-side of her neck, and there was evidence of petechial hemorrhaging, a sign that she had been asphyxiated–most likely by chest compression, someone sitting on her chest.

Coroner Gregory Reiber had testified that the murder occurred in the dugout where the body was found. During the murder trial of Jessica Funk-, the defense began to lay the groundwork that the defendant, Ryan Douglas Roberts at 5’10” and 195 lbs. could not have possibly squeezed through the small opening of the locked dugout.

At trial, CSI Tamara Mickelson at 5’6″ and 125 lbs. had testified that she could not enter the locked dugout with her gear on. When asked what about with her gear off, she replied, “I don’t know. If I took my gear off, maybe. I can’t say. I don’t know.” It is clear, that she was very unsure that she could have entered to locked dugout. Remember, at 5’6″ and 125 pounds, Tamara Mickelson is a very slender woman.

Mickelson's gear


Baseball coach Vaughn Booker, who was the one who locked the dugout gate also testified that he could not enter the locked dugout. He testified that “maybe” his 85-pound son could have gotten in, but he certainly could not.

vaughn booker

So for people at 85 to 125 pounds, the answer was “maybe” they could squeeze into the locked dugout.

“Oh no. Not while it was locked, no.”

CSI Tamara Mickelson was at the crime scene that day. She also met that morning with Belli, Clark, and Turnbull for the walk-through shortly after they arrived. When asked if any of them had entered the locked dugout, she emphatically and unequivocally stated, “No. Not while it was locked, no.”

T Mickelson denying the 3 went in

Ms. Mickelson did not equivocate. She said they never entered the locked dugout. However, Prosector Eric Kindall tried to mitigate the damage done by her statement with his two follow-up questions.  Nevertheless, she testified that Belli, Clark and Turnbull did not ever enter the locked dugout.  She was emphatic they did not. I believe it’s because she knew they COULD NOT. Sadly, that is the question she was never asked.

Testi-Lying to the Impossible

Two of the three homicide detectives at the crime scene testified that they entered the locked dugout. One was Paul Belli at 6′ and 215 lbs. the other was Tony Turnbull at 5’10 and 230 lbs. Both big men.

It’s curious then, that their partner, Kenneth Clark wrote in his original crime scene report that the killer was average or smaller size. See report here. He later testified that he saw one of his colleagues enter the locked dugout. Belli and Turnbull are his colleagues and neither of them is “average or smaller” size.

Clark's testimony on the locked dugout small excerpt

So why did Clark write this in his report? At the time of the crime, there was no suspect. It was only later, after Ryan Roberts was arrested, that they needed to reverse-engineer their story to make it fit.

The Damning Email

Just two days before he was to testify at trial, Paul Belli suddenly “remembered” that he entered the locked dugout at the crime scene and contacted DA Prosecutor Eric Kindall.

According to his email, Belli stated he was actually approached by Kenneth Clark, who reminded Belli how he had “assisted” Clark in the crime scene investigation.  Here is a screenshot of the email. Note: Prosecutor Eric Kindall’s email has been removed to protect his privacy.

Belli's Email


So, Belli claims that Clark approached him just that morning, August 24th, and that Clark reminded Belli how he had assisted Clark, who was in charge of the crime scene, in the scene survey. Belli states that he had Clark’s “implicit permission” to enter the locked dugout.

So how is it that just one day later, on August 25th, that Detective Kenneth Clark testifies that he saw “someone” but does not know who entered the dugout? He has to be prompted to Prosecutor Kindall to even remember that it was a “colleague.” Funny how Clark does not remember that (according to Belli) just one day before, on August 24th, that he had spoken with Belli and prompted him to remember how Belli had assisted him in the dugout.

But Prosecutor Kindall knows all of this, because he received the email from Belli less than 24 hours prior. So Kindall had to prompt Clark, fishing for the answer he needed to support Belli’s upcoming testimony, where he testified that he entered the locked dugout.

You’ll notice that Belli did not cc Clark on his email to Kindall, which is either incredibly sloppy or cunningly premeditated. Typical email protocol is to cc people who are mentioned in an email. Belli fails to do this and consequently, Clark has no idea what Belli has told Kindall–and it’s all very telling, because this is exactly what Clark’s testimony reflects.

Clark’s Testimony

Prosecutor Kindall asks Detective Clark if he saw anybody go into the locked dugout. Clark’s answer is, “Yes. I believe there were people that went in there.” Huh? Is it, “Yes” or is, “I believe there were…”? When telling a whopper of a lie, it is a good idea to qualify it with another statement, one that is nebulous and cloudy, imprecise and not open to clear interpretation. That way, if you are ever questioned on it, you have created some lee-way, a “fudge factor” to protect you.

Kindall is forced to prompt Detective Clark to see if it was one of his colleagues. Clark musters a definitive statement this time, “Yes.” It was a colleague after all! But wait, does he “remember” who it was? Dang! We were so close! No, he does not remember who it was.

Clark's testimony on the locked dugout

But Wait!  What About the Email?

That’s right, we remember this! His colleague, Paul Belli, has already told Kindall that Detective Clark is the one who approached him and asked Belli if he remembered.

How is it, then, that on the witness stand, that Kenneth Clark has no memory just one day later of  Belli’s being in the locked dugout when, according to Belli’s email, Clark reminded him of this very thing.

How can their stories be so different? They’re different because someone is lying.

The Faking of a Murderer

So there you have it. That’s how you convict an innocent man.  You take his cigarette butts that he’s left in the park he frequents. You add a troubled 13-year-old girl who smokes and is hanging out waiting for her bad-news friend. She picks up his cigarette butts and re-lights them to smoke and you get both of their DNA on the butts. You have a dugout that is locked tight and so small that a skinny, 125-pound CSI agent who is not even sure she could squeeze in. She testifies under oath that Belli, Clark and Turnbull did NOT enter the locked dugout. But not to fear, you have two detectives weighing 215 and 230 pounds respectively who testify that they DID enter the very narrow, tightly-locked dugout.

Voila! You now have the faking of a murderer.